DESERT SURVIVAL 101?

The relatives had come to visit. Cindy's sister, Teresa, and her boyfriend, Jack, had never been to Arizona and naturally, wanted to spend a day in the desert and see how we use a metal detector when we prospect for gold.
We had been living in the desert for a few years now and so it seemed reasonable to explain a few things. Jack carried a pistol. I did't carry guns, so I told him to leave it in the truck. We did'nt use our desert critters for target practice, not even the occasional rattlesnake we might encounter. Next, we explained that everything in the desert will bite you, sting you, including the plants, so be aware of your surroundings, watch where you step, reach or squat. Then away we went.
I took Jack to the creek, scratched some material around and found a small piece of gold with my Gold Bug detector. Cindy and Teresa went exploring down the canyon.
Only a few minutes went by when there was a ruchus down canyon, and Cindy and Teresa came running up. Seems that Cindy had led them smack dab to a hornets nest! They had outrun the hornets, and while I was chuckling over the situation I sat down and reached to steady myself and ZAPP! Out from a rock comes about a 4 inch long scorpion that had just nailed me on the end of my finger! I did quite the prospector 2 step for a couple of minutes, as what felt like the sting of a 100 bees shot through my hand and arm. Cindy showed great concern as she turned to Jack and said,"Watch Buddy and see if he passes out or goes into convulsions or something, Teresa and I are going up canyon!" Away they went and Jack kept staring at me for a few minutes.
All of a sudden from up canyon Teresa lets out a yell. " Jack, Buddy, we.ve got to go home, Cindy just sat on a cactus!"
Now something just did'nt seem quite right here. I just got stung from a deadly desert critter and since I did'nt go down right off, the girls took a walk, Jack stared at me, and now Cindy sits on a cactus, all of a sudden we've got to go home?
Getting home was a trip! We laughed till our sides hurt as we went over the events of the day. Meanwhile, I'm trying to 4 wheel it out of the desert one-handed, as my hand and arm had'nt regained feeling yet and Cindy is draped face down over the back seat like an old rug, moaning with every bump, cause she can't sit up!
When we got home the entertainment continued, as Jack and I enjoyed a cold beer, and all of us kept on laughing at the screams and moans coming from the bathroom as Teresa took the tweezers to pull the cactus spines from Cindy's butt!
The Moral Of This Story? Don't try to impress the city folk with your expertise on desert survival. Just take them out and let them find out on their own!!!
BUDDY.